Will you persuade your friends to buy a copy (not to read yours) and so help these worthy causes? May we remind readers that with the very kind consent of the directors and manager of the Ritz Cinema a box has been placed in the entrance to that building. When visiting the Ritz will you take along any new or used books, mags., playing cards or jig-saw puzzles, and drop them in the 'box?' The patients at the Rushden Sanatorium will welcome all that we can send them. If you have more than you can carry, leave your name and address in the box, and we will collect them.

And now, dear reader, may you enjoy our rag. The Editor

Handy Hints for the Great Day.
Coronation of His Majesty King George VI and Queen Elizabeth, Westminster Abbey, Wednesday, May 12, 1937. And what is Rushden doing about it? This unofficial guide, prepared by our own inexpert staff, will tell you everything. Read it before you celebrate—you may be unable to read it after.

Reveille
The loyal populace will spend an extra hour in bed, the day being a holiday. This popular feature has the hearty approval of the Town Celebrations Committee on account of its inexpensiveness.

Thanksgiving Service
Those who cannot listen-in to Westminster Abbey will attend the official thanksgiving service at Rushden Hall. Doubtful coins and Irish pennies can be left at home: there is no collection.

Public Luncheon
Elderly inhabitants who have been complaining of the high rates are invited to eat up n little discount.

The menu for the luncheon will include Cod's Roe (reversible), White Sauce, Roast Capon, Impregnable Pie, Greens a la Frederick and Holland Port (A1 at Lloyds).

Guests are reminded to bring their own teeth, if any.

The Children
Having refused to eat slab cake and slightly spotted buns, the children will be permitted to starve at a cinema. Programme will include the popular holiday picture "Fine Over England," supported by Johann Whight in "Bootster's Millions."

Scholars old enough to read will receive copies of a handsome souvenir book plainly marked "R.U.D.C.,"—meaning, we believe, "Rates Up, Dear Children." Unsuspecting infants will get silver spoons, happily symbolising the lucky mouthful with which every Rushden child is born.

Congratulations to the Rushden Toc H on their, enterprise. What, a delightful thing humour is.

"The best fence against care is a ha! ha! Wherefore take care to have one all round you wherever you can." So wrote Tom Hood, who often, during his troubled career, had occasion to prove the truth of his own words. His prescription was in line with the sage of centuries ago that "A cheerful heart was a good medicine." These two authorities aptly state what has become a current phrase, "Keep smiling".

I commend the object of the promoters to the residents of Rushden in their desire to assist the local fund for the Blind, the After-Care Committee and the Benevolent branch of the British Legion.

Yours sincerely,
W. E. CAPON. Rushden.

Grand Procession
Arranged by the Boot Manufacturers' Association. Headed by outriders on clothes-horses and including the Urban Council beneath a canopy of overhead lights; other members of the Gas Company; trade tableau, "Clicking," by the League of Youth; nautical scene, "Up She Comes!" by Green and Coe;. tableau, "Slow but Sewer," St. Crispin residents; advertising tableau, "Drips by L.M.S."; walking group, "Express Delivery," Post Office staff; tableau, "Any Faggots To-day?" Selwood and Co.; tableau, "Stolen Fruit," Free Gardeners; individual get-up, "The Passing of the Third Floor Back," by the local cat burglar; collective get-up, "Seven O'clock in the Morning," Boot Operatives' Union; mounted set-piece, "Old Mortality," Rushden Undertakers' Association. Also Rushden Fire Brigade with engine and tender schoolchildren, etc.

Items for the evening concert include: "Martyrs of the Aroma," by the Washbrook-road choir; "The Larboard Watch," by the Jewellers' Glee Club; and a dramatic piece, "Final Dividend, or The Widow's Mite," by the Co-operative Federal F.S.

The Rushden Players, who are presenting the pageant of "St. George," gratefully acknowledge offers of a dragon from the Four-in-Hand Kennels, Messrs. Brooke and Brooke, Mr. L. Clifton (Higham Ferrers) and the Urban Council Rates Department. Rushden Choral Society, assisting in the pageant, apologises for the slight tremolo that may be noticed if the weather is cold.

Floodlighting
At Rushden Hall the floodlighting arranged by the Rushden and Higham Ferrers District Gas Company will be the finest ever seen in the district.

At St. Mary's Church the floodlighting installed by the Rushden and District Electric Supply Co. will be the finest the district has ever seen.

Five hundred 50-watt lamps will be used for the illumination of the gasometer.

Two thousand therms will be consumed by special burners at the electricity works.

Stoutly declaring that floodlighting should begin at home, Mrs. Beake-Bright, of Duck-street, has laid in an extra half-dozen.

Woburn-place will decorate as usual on Monday and leave the washing out until after the 12th.

Refreshments
These should be obtained as early as possible in the morning, as often as possible in the afternoon, and as quietly as possible at night.

After the wet winter good water is available in large quantities. It is especially suitable for wives and children.

The Rushden Hic H. unit has kindly promised to inspect all booths, bars, etc., during the evening.

Council Machinations Revealed
Astounding revelations have come to light in a confidential report of the Rushden Urban District Council's secret meeting in February, when a new method of refuse collection in the town was adopted behind closed doors.

When the door had closed on the sullen retreating figure of the Press representative the Chairman knocked twice on his desk and announced: "Freighters."

"Freighters what?" called the members in chorus.

"I hope," said the Chairman, "that no member will be a freighter speak his mind."

There were loud groans, and Councillor X said tartly that he hoped they would have no more rubbish, whereupon Councillor Y, the chairman of the Health and Sanitary Committee, rose and said that this particular point had been on his mind (Murmurs of assent). He himself wanted no more rubbish, and that was why he favoured the purchase of freighters in place of the old horse-and-cart system.

Councillor Z : What is a freighter?

Councillor Y: It's a — a — well you know, a sort of —

After a whispered consultation with the Clerk, Councillor Y announced that freighters were ashcarts without horses. He had always favoured them, he said, because — well, after all, horses were horses, and he thought they would agree that freighters were freighters (Hear, hear). In these days of progress and enlightenment it was up to them to take into consideration this fundamental difference between freighters and horses, especially in dealing with the question of refuse. They knew the-words of the poet, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," and he thought that summed up the whole situation without any further words of his. He had great pleasure in proposing that two freighters be purchased.

Councillor A, seconding, said he had been very concerned about the ashes, but the able speech of Councillor Y had taken a load off his mind.

Councillor B said the previous speakers had put the cart before the horse. He himself was a great follower of horses, especially in the flat season, and he knew of no surer means of disposing of any surplus.

Councillor D said he opposed horses if only because of the well-known fact that in removing one lot of refuse they were apt to create another.

Councillor B retorted that this was entirely a question of feeding and could be remedied by proper regulation of meals, etc. Moreover, as a gardener he resented this official limitation of a very necessary commodity. On a previous occasion, he re-membered, Councillor D had sought to rid the streets of this valuable --------•

Councillor D: You needn't throw that at me.

The Chairman: I will not have it thrown in this chamber!

Councillor E said they wanted more light on this subject. He was preparing a scheme for the erection of 568 overhead lights in Wellingborough-road, 365 staggered lights near the Railway Hotel, and full floodlighting at Skew Bridge.

The Chairman: You're out of order, John.

Councillor E: I'm just explaining that if you save £800 on refuse collection, I can spend it for you.

The Chairman: We're quite aware of that, John.

Councillor F said he understood that the Gas Company were prepared to light the upper portion of Shirley-road.

Councillor E: Well, if we accepted that, we should lose the flapper vote.

The Chairman then put, the resolution, which was declared carried, though Councillor B opposed with a loud "Neigh," which he hastily amended to a "No." !

Councillor B: What about the rates?

The Chairman: I declare the meeting closed.

A Hundred Years Ago.
The population of Rushden in 1837 was 1,077. - Look at it now!—14,248 (And what a 14,248!).

Fifty Years Ago.
Our aged correspondent, S.L., writes:— Refuse was collected at night, and the water was all drawn from wells. In the High-street opposite the present Post Office there was a well under the pavement, nearby a stone in the wall, on which were carved two men with drinking cups, The streets in winter were inches deep in mud. In summer the dust rose in clouds. The paths, which were swept regularly by the long dresses then in vogue, were in little better condition than the roads. The Council water cart was occasionally sent to sprinkle the dust, and I believe water was fetched from The Moors.

The nearest bank was at Wellingborough. The nearest railway stations were Irthlingborough, Irchester and Ditchford. There was only a sub-post office, opposite the Waverley Hotel. All letters were sent to Higham Ferrers for Irthlingborough Station. Rushden railway station was not opened until 1894. The police station was in charge of one constable only. Both sides of Higham-road were fields, and did you know that a ghost, a man with his head tucked underneath his arm, is supposed to have haunted Hayway Corner?

The best shops were in High-street South, where the high pavement is. Opposite the top of Crabb-street there was a fine avenue of trees across the "Pightles" to Newton-road. Victoria-road only extended to Rectory-road, with a footpath across the fields to North-street. Washbrook-road was only a very muddy road with an open dyke from Spencer-road to the brook. It was so bad that the claims that Rushden gave Bunyan his original idea of the "Slough of Despond" may very well be true. There were only a few houses near the "Oakley Inn" and only the Windmill house on one side of Wellingborough-road. Moor-road on the High-street side was cornfields.

A path where Fitzwilliam-street is now led into Duck-street (sometimes elevated to the Peerage)[as Duke-street-Ed.]. At the North end of Duck-street the bed of the brook was the road, and a wooden footbridge across the brook led you into Ponds or Puns Lane. At the other end of Duck-street was the old gas house, and College-street was only a lane. Where the War Memorial stands was once the village green. The Feast was held there, and patent medicine vendors sold ointments and pills to cure everything except heartache.

Fifty Years Hence
The following extracts are taken from our file for May, 1987 ....

Widening of the footpath opposite Messrs. Birch's garage is nearing completion.

Rushden Town Council discussed plans for making the triangle at the bottom of Washbrook-road safe for pedestrians.

There were no cases at Rushden Police Court on Friday last for the first time since Higham Ferrers was included in the Borough of Rushden, and the veteran Chairman, Councillor W. J. Sorefeet, was presented with a pair of white gloves.

Addressing Rushden Rotarians, the Head Postmaster remarked that the automatic stamp machine installed in High-street more than 50 years ago and subsequently transferred to the present premises in College-street was still doing good service for the Treasury, the average income having risen to fivepence for each penny stamp delivered.

RUSHDEN Fire Brigade was founded in 1877 with twelve members under the captaincy of Mr. W. Forscutt (other sports being at a low ebb in those days). The station was situated in Butcher Smith's yard, opposite the entrance to the Hall (and quite handy for the "Wheatsheaf"). The method of calling the Brigade was to ring No. 5 bell of St. Mary's Church (or to send a man to the "Rose and Crown"). As horses had also to be obtained to draw the manual, it was seldom less than half an hour before the Brigade was able to turn out (but even with this excellent system the South End Schools have remained unburned to this day).

The station was next moved to the "Cottage Coach Houses" in the High-street, and from there to Dr. Freeman's—now Hedley's—yard (in case anything should happen at "The Feathers"). It was from this latter place (meaning the yard) that the Brigade was called to the great fire at Messrs. Cave's factory in July, 1901. The fire burned for three days, and the firemen's task was almost hopeless owing to the lack of an adequate supply of water—(taking it neat didn't help matters, you see)—and also to the fact that the pumping system was extremely tiring and required a constant change of pumpers (or is it "rompers"?)

There are two firemen still in the Brigade who were members at that time, namely Firemen C. Green and J. Sparrow. Fireman Green has been a member since 1888 (but Claude says his greatest moment was in February, 1937, when the Councillors assembled for the Great Demonstration and the wrong engine turned up).

The present headquarters were occupied towards the end of 1902 but are still among the best in the county (with the Athletic Club next door and the "Unicorn" within 50 yards). The equipment at that time consisted of a horse-drawn manual, a hose cart and a hand escape (but the horse was so very drawn that a motor was substituted. The hand who escaped was discovered at the "Waggon and Horses"). All the hose were of the screw type (but have now been replaced by the locknit or ladderless varieties). The present electrical alarm bell system was also installed in the new station and enables all the members to be called by a bell fixed in each house (but there is often a little delay on the part of absent-minded members who hang on in the expectation of hearing "Time, gentlemen, please").

Even with these new additions it was usually twenty minutes before the Brigade was able to turn out, as there was still the question of the horses. ("What, another — fire?" we imagine them asking). It was in 1921 that a motor tender was obtained, making it possible for the Brigade to turn out in five minutes. (In urgent cases, however, the Captain always announces that two beautiful maidens are in danger of burning their fingers). Two resuscitators have recently been added to the equipment (and it is agreed that these products of the famous house of Walker are a great asset).

There are at present 14 members under the charge of Mr. A. P. Timpson, assisted by Mr. J. Whiting, who very creditably uphold the tradition of the Brigade. (Excellent fellows, all of them, and we hope they don't mind our leg-pulling).

T.W.B.M. (M.C.)

At Ward's Corner.

". . . . tear across on the dotted line."

At Bugby's.

"Do you wash your fish before you cook it?" .... "What! When it's been in water all its life!"

Anywhere.

"You didn't oughter a let'n 'im awent."
[Rusdenese – 'You shouldn't have let him go']

What a hurry, what a scurry,
What a running to and fro;
What a hustle, what a bustle,
Everyone is on the go.

One is taking down the pictures,
One is carting out the chairs;
What can be the secret motive
For this strange state of affairs?

Voices sound strangely sepulchral
In the rooms so bleak and bare,
As in subterranean caverns
Or a hermit's rocky lair.

Can the cause of all this riot
Be the an-nu-al springclean,
Or a sale of certain sundries
Due to times becoming lean?

Though it is the depth of winter,
And the weather threatens snow,
Not a single spark illumines,
Radiating cheerful glow.

But at daybreak the next morning
Feeling's raised to fever heat,
And with dreary repetition
Sundry voices oft repeat:

"Do you think he has forgotten?"
"Did you make sure of the date?"
"I'm afraid he's overslept—
He's now half an hour late" ... *

Hark! a sound of heavy footsteps
Can be heard along the street;
To the back door all rush forward
This lone visitor to greet;

And at last the query's answered,
For with face of coal black hue
Comrade Lyman sweeps to battle
'Gainst our grimy kitchen flue.

E.W.A.
(*Poetic license).

. . makes enough boots and shoes every week to stretch, placed heel to toe, from Rushden to Birmingham. For greater convenience they are packed in pairs.

. . claims connection with Guy Faulkes, the man who attempted to enforce the rising of Parliament by motion on Report. But you will never remember that until the 5th!

Prosecuting Counsel: Now I want you to answer my questions truthfully, "Yes"or "No."

Witness: It's impossible; I can't always tell the truth like that.

Counsel: Oh! And will you illustrate your contention?

Witness: Well, answer me this then— Yes or No. Have you left off beating your wife?

Palindromes
A palindrome is a word or sentence that reads the same backwards and forwards. Here are one or two: —

"Madam, I'm Adam."
"Able was I ere I saw Elba."
"Did I tar a rat at Ararat I did."
" No, it is open on one position."
"Was it a car or a cat I saw."
"Snug and raw was I ere I saw war and guns."
See if you can make any more!

"Bulldog for sale; will eat anything; very fond of children."

"Wanted an organist, and a boy to blow the same.''

"Wanted a boy to be partly outside and partly inside the counter."

"Respectable woman wants washing for Tuesday."

"Mr. Brown, furrier, begs to announce that he will make up gowns, capes, etc., for ladies out of their own skin."

''A boy wanted who can open oysters with a reference."

"Wanted, a young man to take charge of horses of a religious mind."

"Furnished apartments suitable for gentleman with folding doors."

"For sale, a handsome piano, the property of a young lady who is leaving Scotland in a walnut case with turned legs."

"Wanted, by a respectable girl, her passage to New York, willing to take care of children and a good sailor."

E.E.B.

Do you mind if I sit down? No, it's quite all right, I won't take the chair; the corner of the bed will do quite nicely. What's that? I've burst the hot water bottle? Never mind, old man, I'll sit on the other side instead. There, that's better. H'm, nice peaches you have there. Mind if I try one? Thanks. I say, have you heard about old Green? He was taken ill yesterday, complaining of pains in the tummy. What's that? You have them as well? I never did! Anyhow, he passed away this morning — ended up by falling out of bed; couldn't stand the pain, and couldn't take it lying down, either. Funny thing, I only went to see him yesterday afternoon, you know — pass on the cheery word. Must try to do as much good as we can.

Mind if I have another peach? — they're extra good; much better than Green's were. Anyway, as I was saying, he looked ghastly green about the gills, something like you do, only his eyes were sunken, whereas yours stick out. Eh! What's that? You don't feel any pain now? Gee! that sounds like the beginning of the end. I'd better phone for the doctor. Oh, it doesn't matter, doesn't it? Well, it's nice to see anyone facing up to death in that way. Is that the medicine he's left you? H'm, rotten looking stuff — smells nasty, too. I should be careful, old man. You remember young Jones — small man with a big wife. He had some stuff very similar to yours — took it in full confidence. Next morning — napoo. Poor old Jones! It appeared that the dispenser had made a mistake and sent a lotion that would cure corns on centipedes.

Ah well, I see it's opening time, so cheerio! And if I don't see you again I shall know the worst, but I suppose we really ought to hope for the best . . .
R.B.

Watts in a Name?

If we survey the attractions of Rushden, we shall find that we LACK very little. In fact, one cannot go through this TOPPING little town without HOPE, for the WAY is plain. Our scenery is both varied and beautiful. We have HILLS, CAVES, GLENS, WOODS, BAYES, GEEENFIELDS and BARLEY FIELDS, with HEADLANDS and FLOWERS of every hue, BR0WN, GEEEN, BLACK, WHITE and GREY. We have some fine examples of architecture in our CHURCHES, NORMAN CROSSES, FOUNTAINS, WELLS and GATES.

We are well supplied with tradesmen, for we have DRAPERS, SMITHS, MILLERS, BAKERS, COOKS, TAYLORS and BUTCHERS. For ceremonial occasions we have our KINGS, KNIGHTS and PAGES.

Our aviary is worth visiting, for there one may see such BIRDS as ROBINS, SPARROWS, LINNITTS FINCHES, PEACOCKS, PARTRIDGES and EAGLES. These are all wingless and do not LAY. Our animals are few, but very clever; we have BULLS, LAMBS, HARTS, FOXES and MOLES, and you can often see them out on bicycles or in cars.

We have more, CLARKS in the PARISH than FOLKES. Our sports are a bit of a SWINDALL, as the BELLS do not ring, the BALLS do not roll, and the COXES do not coach. In addition to these we have real live FAIRIES, PECKS bigger than bushels as many GROOMES as horses, and EDGES full of HOLLEY SPRIGGS.

But what the DICKENS? This KENT go on; there are TEW many to BANDEY with. So cheerio! Perhaps you'll send me a VALENTINE next year.

C.L.